Happy Birthday, Mr. Resident

IT’S MY BIRTHDAY!!  WOOOOOOO!!!  This means celebration!…within reason; I still have a job these joyous days.

That being said, things at work have been rather calm these last few days.  I didn’t receive any new clients last week, my soonest trial is next month, and my imprisoned clients are up to date on their cases.  Because things were going smoothly, I figured that I was free enough to head down to Salem to see Cthulhu (my partner, not the Great Old One).  On Friday, I got off work early and drove on down for 2–3 hours.  What made this trip special was that the entire Portland area was consumed by a massive thunderstorm, making travel a unique challenge.  Here, “unique challenge” means that my vision was obscured even with my wipers on max setting and trees were falling down onto the road—at one point, I even drove over part of a downed tree!  Miraculously, the Benmobile didn’t seem to suffer any significant damage; even more miraculously, I made it to Salem in one piece.  I kept myself sane by staying focused on the destination and singing along with songs on the radio (appropriately enough, “Sweet but Psycho” by Ava Max was playing when the storm was at its craziest).

Down in Salem, it was wonderful to be in Cthulhu’s warm embrace and to not be thinking constantly about domestic violence and/or substance abuse.  I played Pokémon Shield, ate peppermint bark, and enjoyed the sights and cuisine from Salem that I missed.  I even managed to arrange a small get-together as an impromptu early birthday celebration.  When all was done, it was time for me to head back on Sunday; the forestry state workers had done their jobs right, and there was virtually no debris on my 2–3-hour trip home.  The weather was still rainy, but I wasn’t scared for my safety this time—progress!

Finally, it was the day of my birthday.  I had originally hoped to take most of the day off, but the wheels of justice grind on regardless of commemorations of birth; I had to handle a case management and cover in-custody arraignments (my specialty).  Still, I managed to take it relatively easy between my main events, reviewing reports and setting up office appointments from the comfort of my office.  I even managed to finish up earlier than usual: at 4:50pm (I know, I’m such a rebel)!  This meant I could finally go home, rest up, and appreciate some birthday bliss…before the crushing realization that I’m now 27 set in.  Wheeee!!!  In all seriousness, I felt this was a great day, even if it was busier than most birthdays.

It may not be a cake, but I've figured out how to celebrate birthdays just fine Tillamook-style.

One additional odd thing of note: at my impromptu birthday celebration, I received two coin banks.  After some consideration, I decided to put my new Batman coin bank in my office.  Batman may not necessarily fit the image of a law office, but it fits better than the alternative…

 

Batman, who now stares down at visiting clients and holds my change.

The alternative, which I have elected to leave on the main table in my living space.

I don’t feel like writing anymore, so I’ll close this entry with another installment of…

GREAT MOMENTS IN TILLAMOOK JURISPRUDENCE

*insert sophisticated music*

Episode IV: To Chambers in a Handbasket

Benjamin D. Fischberg, Attorney at Law: [going through motions of arraignment] We acknowledge receipt of this charging instrument.  We waive formal reading of the charges and advice of rights but reserve the right to challenge the charging instrument at a later date.

Judge: Very well.  Based on the charges, bail is set at $30,000.  You can post 10% of that to be released.  We’ll set your next hearing for next week.  Sir, please keep in contact with your attorney…

Defendant: [interrupting] Yeah whatever, you’re not a real judge.  Go to hell!

[note: the judge in this case is in fact a real judge]

J: [calmly but firmly] Keep in contact with your attorney, sir!  We’ll see you next week.  Deputy, please take him away.

[Defendant is miraculously not charged with contempt of court.  I have to struggle a little to hold in my gasps/laughter.]

Benjamin Fischberg: Rookie Representative

Happy (Very Belated) New Year, readers!  The year 2019 has sunk into the abyss of time, with 2020 coming out to take its place.  Time for a new year of hard work, eating dairy/seafood, exploring Tillamook County, embarrassing myself in front of judges, dealing with pleasant clients, dealing with difficult clients, blogging, finding bold new adventures, skip tracing, picking up old/new hobbies, spending more time in jail than in court, trying to keep calm, and continuing to grow.

As the year begins, now feels like an appropriate time to reflect on my position and realize that I’m doing things I never expected to do in my career.  Namely, I didn’t expect to own a car until late last year (I figured I’d be the kind of urban dweller to always walk or use urban transportation), and I never thought I’d be opening my own law office right out of law school (I’ve always considered immediate private practice to be risky, and I figured I’d start at a public defender office or the like).  If anything, events in 2019 have shown me that the future is unpredictable, unknown, and f***ing crazy.  I look forward to seeing what the future holds (though with current events being what they are, I’m a little anxious too).  My career as a lawyer has only just begun; who knows what will change in 2020 alone.

In the grand tradition of years past, I’ve spent the turn of the year thinking up of New Year’s resolutions.  Overall, there are two things I want to focus on: (1) getting healthier (whether by eating better, working out, or getting massages to deal with my constantly aching neck) and (2) finding a better way to balance work and the rest of my life (I have no idea at the moment how to do so, so I’ll have to experiment).  Time will tell how these noble-yet-vague goals will be met this year.

My first day of working this year (January 2) certainly went well.  I had a suppression hearing scheduled that I had been dreading for some time.  This would be my first real suppression hearing, and it was set in front of the toughest judge in Tillamook County.  I read the law and felt that I was in the right, but one never knows how these things will go.  Two hours before the hour of judgment, I stopped by the courthouse to serve a motion regarding an unrelated case and checked my mailbox at the DA’s office (which is how I receive discovery, plea offers, and service of motions from prosecutors).  There, I found…a filed motion for dismissing the case in question.  The prosecutor was dropping charges against my client, and the hearing was cancelled.  It was a day-after-New-Year’s-Day miracle (or my motion to suppress was just that good)!  This meant a happy client and one less trial in January, so I felt pretty good for the rest of the day.  Sure, I then had to stay at the county jail until 8:45pm to talk with other clients in preparation for their cases, but it was still a good day.  Here’s to more days with dropped charges, happy clients, and a relieved defense attorney!

To finish this post off, it’s time for another installment of…

GREAT MOMENTS IN TILLAMOOK JURISPRUDENCE

*insert sophisticated music*

Episode III: Jumping the Gun

Judge: Ma’am, will you be applying for court-appointed counsel?

Defendant: No, I think I’ll represent myself.

J: Ma’am, I read the advice of rights to the last defendant who wanted to represent themself.  Having heard all of the ways an attorney can help you, are you sure you want to represent yourself?

D: Yeah, it should be pretty easy to represent myself.  I mean, I’m totally guilty.

[awkward pause; it is worth remembering that everything in court is audio-recorded and admissible as evidence]

J: …Ma’am, that may be so, but a lawyer can help you navigate the system and help you get the best possible sentence.

D: Alright, I’ll take the court-appointed attorney.

J: Good choice.  You’ll need to fill out the paperwork in the lobby, but I’ll appoint Mr. Fischberg from the Tillamook County Defense Consortium as your lawyer.

[Defendant is now my client.]