Leisure Suit Lawyer

 

In all the hurly-burly of day-to-day life, I recently reached an inconspicuous milestone.  As of this month (October 2024, for those looking back), I have now been a licensed lawyer for 5 years.  While there are certain charms and perks to this job (flexible hours on some weeks, civic pride, and decent pay), being an attorney is a lot of work that can wear you down if you’re not careful.  To properly balance out my life, I spent most of the summer (and am spending the ongoing fall) with a simple quest: try to enjoy myself more by taking full advantage of what free time I have.  Benjamin D. Fischberg, Attorney at Law has his needs met (and I can’t discuss the particulars of his work); it was time to reconnect with Ben Fischberg, the gamer, cosplayer, and opportunistic adventurer.

One adventure that I took full advantage of was Canterbury Faire in late July.  I haven’t been to a renaissance fair in five years; the last one I went to was right before being sworn in as a lawyer.  As such, it was a grand time I spent with friends enjoying the atmosphere in my festive purple velvet robe and perusing the wares of various artisans (when not watching a mother***ing joust tournament).  In the process, I scored a parasol that I’ve been making good use of throughout the summer, along with some fudge and raspberry cordial that I did my best to make last (*burp*).  I didn’t take a lot of pictures (taking photos usually feels out of place), but enjoy these majestic mechanical dragons I found.

 

On a more day-to-day basis, a lot of leisure has been dedicated to video games.  I’ve spent the summer and early autumn dipping my toes into various games old and new—Animal Crossing: New Horizons, The Legend of Zelda: Oracle of Ages, Hades, and the Battlefront series, to name a few.  However, one game that has been taking a notable amount of time is Star Wars: Bounty Hunter.  This solid licensed third-person shooter was a major staple of my childhood, helped turn me into a serious gamer, and is indirectly the reason I became a lawyer (it’s a long story—I’ll probably get into my origin story in a later blog post).  It’s been a blast to catch up with the newly remastered Switch port, which has slightly better graphics, better lighting, and multiple control options.  Caught up in the glow of nostalgia, I’ve been spending my evenings zooming around on jetpacks and gunning down criminals.  As you can see, I’ve been hunting down the worst of the worst: gangsters, drug runners, animal abusers, graffiti artists, art critics, and people who don’t flush public toilets:

 

 

 

All my shooting and hunting paid off, as I accomplished something that had seemed far out of reach for the past 2 decades: I achieved 100% completion in Bounty Hunter!  Catching every secondary bounty (alive when wanted) was no small feat, but I managed to do it in less than 2 months since buying the remastered port.  I don’t know how I stack up as a gamer in the big picture, but 10-year-old me is impressed and proud of 31-year-old me.

(I also achieved 100% completion on Paper Mario: The Thousand-Year Door,  which is no less impressive, this summer.  I’ve been on a roll!)

As summer started to wind down, I geared up for another big adventure: Rose City Comic Con!  After a long trial early in September (where 5 hours of jury deliberations kept me in court until 10pm :P), I put on my Pokémon trainer costume from last con and met up with my buddy Carson (who was a great sport and helped me take loads of pictures) for 3 days of cosplay, perusing art, photo ops, and overall goofiness.  Having gone 6 years without any conventions, it feels great to have gone to 2 cons in a single year.  Even though there are still 2 months left in 2024, I’m looking forward to whatever cons I can make it to in 2025 (I’ve already looked into 4 so far).  For now, here’s (some of) the highlights of Rose City Comic Con 2024 in photographic form:

I got plans for this prop pistol...

me and Carson :)

The inevitable result of my wacky antics (fortunately, I know a competent attorney in the area).

A quick portrait I commissioned.

 

Someone was selling anime body pillows of General Grievous and Manfred von Karma.  I bought these $10 keychain versions, as I certainly wasn't shelling out $50 for full-size pillows...yet.

At the tail end of summer, I enjoyed a slightly lower-key adventure with Cthulhu with Salem’s Pride in the Park.  Given that Pride events are usually kept to June, having a second helping in September is an excellent treat for Salem residents (or weekend visitors, in my case).  The event got crashed by some homophobic @$$hole protesters, but we had an awesome time on a beautiful day.  There weren’t too many photo ops, but I stepped a little out of my comfort zone and got my hair temporarily dyed purple:

 

All in all, I’ve been doing my best to enjoy my free time; aside from these main adventures covered here, I’ve been trying other little tricks and hobbies.  I’ve been working on future cosplays one day of a time (in preparation for the aforementioned ~4+ future cons), I’ve been extending Rosh Hashana by enjoying apples with honey for dessert (also a great way to get rid of excess caramel sauce), and I’ve been pushing myself into picking up old hobbies (such as Lego and mixing rum with things—more on that another time).  Moreover, I’ve been preparing the blog entry that you are currently reading as a reminder to myself that fun is out there and that working hard doesn’t mean I can’t play hard.  As we go into Halloween and the holiday season, I look forward to finding out how else I can fill the time between court hearings in my 6th year as an apprentice attorney.

Pride Along 3: Purrrrr-fect Summer

It’s been two months since my last blog post.  As is frequently the case, the most interesting things I’ve been involved with are confidential and/or unsuitable for blogging (or are related to video games and would likely be seen as uninteresting by the public).  Still, the last two months have had several things of note that I can write a fair bit about.  So, as we head into summer, here’s the roundup.

The most notable development career-wise is that my caseload has been getting considerably lighter.  A lot of cases (particularly gnarly ones with difficult fact patterns) have been getting dismissed or resolved.  Thanks to this un-troubling trend, my summer is looking relatively free this year.  Only time will tell if this continues to last.  One thing is clear: outside of a recent low career point (I burst out laughing in court and had to cover it up with some coughing), I’ve definitely got the hang of this lawyer business!...for now, at least.

One place I’ve found myself surprisingly busy is Salem, Oregon during my visits with Cthulhu.  Like many places in America, Salem has a population of stray cats.  Unlike many places in America, Salem has Cthulhu, who recently helped trap, and is helping to take care of, two litters of kittens (complete with their mothers).  There’s the Squash Litter (being hosted by a neighbor and fed by Cthulhu), all named after squashes, and the Spice Kittens (currently in Cthulhu’s house), all named after different spices.  Whenever I’m in town, I help Cthulhu with feeding, looking after, and occasionally administering medical treatment to both litters.  It can sometimes be a stressful handful, but taking care of kittens is something that makes me feel warm and fuzzy on weekends, making a good contrast to my usual work as a lawyer.  I don’t know for certain how long I’ll be helping to take care of the kittens, but I intend to be involved in helping them until both litters are properly spayed and adopted.  In the meantime, here are a few pictures of Cthulhu’s recent charges (though not all of them):

 

Acorn, of the Squash Litter, who loves climbing

Lumina, of the Squash Litter, who is very smol

Pumpkin of the Squash Litter

Zucchini, of the Squash Litter, who is a little purr machine

Buttercup, of the Squash Litter, who is very food-motivated

Little Zucchini on the prowl

Zucchini REALLY likes being held and petted

Cardamom, the mother of the Spice Kittens

Tumeric, of the Spice Kittens, who is constantly cuddling into a loaf

Paprika of the Spice Kittens

Cinnamon, of the Spice Kittens, who is in the process of being adopted

Ginger, of the Spice Kittens, who is being adopted along with Cinnamon

One thing that I feel deserves mentioning here is a little bit of history that passed me by.  On May 30, 2024, Donald Trump (who I’ve mentioned a few times) became the first former President of the United States to be convicted of a crime (thirty-four counts of felony falsification of business records, to be exact).  There’s honestly a lot I could write here about politics, the nature of this case, and the wider social context of the various reactions to it, but this blog isn’t really the right forum for that; I’ll leave the political and philosophical discourse to analysts and pundits.  What does bear writing here is that I’ll certainly remember how this historic moment got down: I was about to start remote in-custody video arraignments on a slow day when I got a news alert that a verdict had been reached in the case.  I knew that the trial was winding down, but I expected several more days of deliberations at that point.  In some ways, it felt familiar; I’ve been through enough trials (as a lawyer, thankfully) that I’m used to the energy in a room when a clerk says, “we have a verdict,” and the jury re-enters and delivers the verdict.  What wasn’t familiar to me was being an outsider constantly checking news sites for updates on each verdict, and then realizing that I just sat through something historic.  I was able to finish video arraignments with a blank face and no complications, but I’ll always remember where I was and what it was like when Donald Trump was convicted, and a normally slow day became very memorable.

The final thing of note (which helped provide today’s title) was that there was an annual Pride block party in Salem this month that I took the time to enjoy with Cthulhu.  It ended up being unusually intense (there were some bigoted @$$hole protesters surrounding the block, resulting in various counterprotests and a massive police presence—thankfully, there was no violence), but it was a nice day on the town featuring ice cream, colorful fashion, ridiculously sweet lemonade, cool musical performances, and an appearance from Salem’s most beloved celebrity, Cesar the No-Drama Llama!

 

So, to recap: light work, kittens, historic conviction, and Pride with a llama.  Not a bad way to start the summer!

A Conventional Vacation

Aloha, readers!  It’s been about two weeks since I came back from Hawaii.  Work’s been picking up, but I’ve got enough slow days coming up to catch up.  Better yet, I’m nice and recharged after two weeks in paradise.

While I was in Hawaii, I made sure to do most of the things I usually do when on-island.  I caught up with friends where I could while playing video games and going on shopping sprees.  During one such rendezvous with friends, I embarked on my first ever escape room challenge!  It was a thrill working together against the clock, and I look forward to trying more such challenges in the future.  Whenever the weather allowed it, I went swimming by pool and by beach.  As someone with limited pool accessibility (there’s a pool at the local Y, but I haven’t had the time/courage to check it out), swimming is an experience I always treasure on vacation.  Kailua Beach is also world-renowned for its beauty, so hitting that beach is always the highlight of vacation.  On most days, I took it easy the best ways I knew how: playing video games, enjoying Mom’s cooking, sleeping, not thinking about work, reading manga, and watching Cthulhu (who traveled with me and deserves a medal for dealing with my stressed-out @$$ at the airport) shoot Nazi testicles in Sniper Elite 5.

As fun as everything was on vacation, the grandest time of all was the main event: Kawaii Kon, Hawaii’s annual massive anime/gaming convention.  I had been to Kawaii Kon before, and I used to be quite the convention-goer, but I haven’t been to any cons since COVID-19 shook up the world.  Obviously, massive gatherings of people were not ideal when there was a deadly global pandemic; to be honest, I had been hesitant to return to cons even as the pandemic was winding down.  Now, having been vaccinated multiple times and survived the virus itself, I finally felt confident enough to re-ignite my social life and spend some time with fellow pop culture-enthusiasts.  Cosplaying as a protagonist from Pokémon Violet, I hit the scene with some friends and had a blast.  I know what you’re thinking: “pics or it didn’t happen!”  Well, my skeptical reader, enjoy!

It was great to be back in Hawaii and equally great to be back in the convention game.  I don’t know how many cons I’ll go to in the foreseeable future (I’ll need to watch the country’s continued infection rates…and my pocketbook), but I certainly look forward to the next one I attend.  Similarly, I look forward to the next time I go to Hawaii, whenever that may be.  For now, I must continue my life’s work in Tillamook: representing clients by daylight and conquering video games by moonlight!

My Corona

Since my day job is equal parts boring and confidential, I frequently find myself hoping for something interesting to happen to me.  Well, you know what they say: be careful what you wish for.  After 4 years of quarantining, working from home, masking, social distancing, vaccinating, and taking occasional risks, I finally caught COVID-19.

Like a lot of cataclysmic things, it all started simply.  One night, as I prepared for bed, I felt a sore throat starting to form.  It was unusual, but nothing that concerned me.  When I woke up the following morning, my throat still felt sore.  I went to my office and prepared to work as usual.  Since the sore throat was annoying me, I decided to test myself for COVID-19 (I had some self-testing kits in my office left over from the last time I tested myself after being exposed).  I’d tested myself several times in the past, so I followed the testing procedure as usual.  What wasn’t usual was my result: a clear positive.  The dread of a multiyear pandemic fully washed over me; s*** had just gotten real.

I may have caught a dangerous disease, but the legal system stops for no one.  As such, I finished everything I reasonably could at the office before going home to isolate.  I made arrangements to have groceries delivered, made the necessary calls and emails to meet my work obligations, and made sure that my world would keep turning while I waited the virus out.  Much to my initial relief, I wasn’t feeling much in the way of symptoms; all I had for the first day was the sore throat and some mild nasal congestion.  It seemed like this was going to blow over in no time…then the night came.  As I prepared to go to bed, I was gripped by the most severe chills I have ever had in my life.  Admittedly, I don’t usually get chills with a fever, but these were objectively serious; I was shaking so badly that I couldn’t stand or hold a phone.  I eventually was able to power myself to the bathroom and take some ibuprofen, which seemed to lessen the chills.  Making sure I was keeping warm, I eventually shivered myself to sleep.  This was going to be more unpleasant than I thought.

The next week or so kept up the general wretched feelings I fell asleep to.  While my chills never got as bad as the night of the first day, I continued to get them at night.  My sore throat came and went in random intervals, eventually becoming less prevalent.  My nose was constantly stuffy or runny, with my head constantly feeling more and more congested.  Worst of all, I had a general yucky feeling that made doing almost anything unpleasant.  Though I kept it mostly at home, I continued to work as needed, appearing in court by video and making occasional trips to the office.  I tried to get plenty of rest and hydration as I counted down the hours for when I could test myself next.  Seeing Cthulhu was out of the picture, so I made do with Facetiming Cthulhu, texting other friends, and occasional video game binges.  I had been preparing for this situation for about 4 years, so I had some things under control, but I still felt occasionally overwhelmed by the fear, frustration, and grossness that only COVID-19 could give me.

Fortunately, there was a mantra that helped me get through it all: this too shall pass.  It passed like the worst bowel movement ever, but it did pass.  I outlasted the quarantine requirements, allowing me to return to work as usual (albeit with a mask) and mostly lead a normal life.  Every 2 days, I made sure to test myself.  I continued testing positive for a week after quarantine was over; even though my symptoms got milder and more allergy-like over time, that little red line indicating a positive result continued to vex me.  I remained in relative isolation when possible, and I started to worry how this would affect my long-term plans.  After persevering and testing for a total of about 2 weeks, I finally tested negative.  More gloriously, I tested negative again when I tested 48 hours later.  I had no symptoms, my head was clear, and I no longer had any barriers keeping me from enjoying life.  I had officially survived COVID-19.

It has now been 2 weeks since I tested negative twice.  As I have readjusted into a normal life, there are some things that have stuck with me.  First, I am extremely grateful for modern medicine.  I have no doubt that COVID-19 would be much worse if not for my multiple vaccinations, and I am glad that the technology to test for COVID-19 is readily available to the public.  Second, getting COVID-19 can really make you realize how much the world has changed in the past 4 years.  The court had mechanisms in place for me to appear remotely (something that was extremely rare when I was first starting out as a lawyer), and there were smartphone apps available that allowed me to shop for groceries without having to leave quarantine at home.  Finally, and most importantly, I will not be taking my health for granted from here on out.  As I write this, I am preparing for vacation in Hawaii in Cthulhu.  While I’ll certainly be relaxing whenever possible and enjoying life to the fullest, I plan to continue masking when feasible and keeping a careful distance from others when possible.  Healthy living is a gift, and it is one I plan to safeguard as I settle down to relax, free from COVID-19 and court appearances.

Happy Holidaze

Howdy, folks—welcome to 2024!

After months of nostalgic posts (with one brief respite), I’m finally back to blogging in the present.  Unfortunately, there isn’t a lot for me to write about (which is why I was reposting old entries for a while), but there’s one thing I can reflect on from the past few months: holidays!  Since I live miles away from most of my friends and loved ones, holidays tend to be a low-key thing on my end; I tag along with whatever comes around, but I generally march to my own tune and celebrate as I see fit.  The past few months are a good illustration of this.

Halloween usually conjures up images of costume contests, trick-or-treating, and eating way too much candy.  Historically, that’s how I have celebrated Halloween; fate had other plans this year.  All Hallows’ Eve in 2023 was on a Tuesday—not exactly the best day to find a party or celebrate irresponsibly.  Children sometimes trick-or-treat around downtown Tillamook, but my office is somewhat out of the way for that.  As such, my options were somewhat limited.  However, the best part of having limited options is that it’s up to you to make the most of them.  Though I still reported to my office in a suit and tie, I enhanced my outfit with a Halloween-colored tie and a cloak I originally got at a Renaissance Faire.  Work was light (I didn’t have any court appearances or office appointments), so I had the day to catch up on some work, gorge myself on candy I bought at Safeway, binge watch Simpsons Halloween specials, and go home early to relax/play video games (most notably the horror classic Luigi’s Mansion).  Some may not see this as the most exciting Halloween, but it was my Halloween—it scratched all my itches, didn’t stress me out, and was just what I needed to relax in the middle of a workweek.

Most Americans spend Thanksgiving taking the week off and getting together with their families.  There were two reasons I couldn’t do that in 2023: (1) my immediate relatives live in Hawaii, which is difficult to go to on a whim and (2) I had a trial on the week of Thanksgiving, so taking the week off was not an option.  As such, I had myself a happy little Thanksgiving out in Tillamook by staying home, taking time to myself not to work, silently reflecting on what I’m grateful for (my health, my job security, my friends and family, among other things), and celebrating with my neighbors on my island in Animal Crossing: New Horizons.  I wasn’t totally isolated: I took the time to call loved ones and contact old friends.  It wasn’t a typical Thanksgiving, but it was a good way to wind down after a contentious trial.  On the other hand, I spent Black Friday as I always do—huddled up indoors, avoiding the riots, and taking a curious look at the various online sales.  That felt reassuring…and it certainly kept me safe!

While Hanukkah in my childhood frequently meant indulging in fried foods and long games of dreidel, Hanukkah in my adulthood tends to be more subdued.  Hanukkah 2023 was no exception: there were some long-distances exchanges of gifts with family and a party on the eighth night, but my main celebration for all eight nights was lighting up my small electric menorah and praying—something I’ve been used to for the better part of the last decade.  It offered a quiet, spiritual respite for eight consecutive nights and provided a little warmth and light in an increasingly dark world.

(Eagle-eyed readers may notice that I've posted this photo before.  Still, I feel that it's a particularly good picture of my electric menorah, so here it is again!)

One of the best things about Christmas when you’re a lawyer is that work tends to slow down during the holiday season.  Regardless of the crime rate or docket size, clerks and judges tend to schedule few things for late December.  As such, I had a whole lot of nothing scheduled for the days leading up to Christmas and could afford to take multiple days off.  That is how I ultimately got to spend Christmas Eve and Christmas with Cthulhu.  We mostly just slept in and relaxed, which is the best thing to do on a cold day with a person you love!

I also had plenty of opportunity to cuddle with Christmas Cat, who has gotten bigger but no less cute in the past two years!

I’m not one for drinking champagne or partying like it’s 1999, so I’ve developed my own set of New Year’s traditions over the years.  I stay up until midnight around loved ones, reflect on the year, consider achieved/possible resolutions, and mow down hordes of battle droids in Star Wars: Republic Commando.  Thanks to a continuously low workload, I was able to observe these traditions alongside Cthulhu and their cats to ring in a promising 2024.  I also added a new potential tradition: counting down to midnight with my Animal Crossing neighbors (honestly, that game is serving as a decent substitute for socializing while I continue to live in rural isolation).  It may not have been exciting, but it’s exactly how I wanted to end 2023.

Pictured: how I celebrated the moment the year changed

Now that 2023 is over and 2024 has rolled on in, I’ve got a whole new year of holidays to observe.  How will I observe them?  Will I be able to branch out into more exciting observances (especially since COVID continues to decline)?  Time will tell, but I’ve already got one to consider: my own birthday, which is in the middle of January.  In the past, I’ve usually set up a big and special dinner with friends wherever I am.  I don’t know how exactly I’ll do that this time: my friends are scattered in different places and the logistics of planning a big dinner seems a bit stressful this month.  While I might try for something special, I think I’ll reach out individually to my friends and enjoy their presence (and possibly presents, but I’m less interested in that) wherever I can.  It doesn’t matter where you are and who you’re with, it’s always possible to make an occasion special with the right mindset.

As an aside, remember when I started coming up with a parody song two years ago?  I completed it over a year ago but previously forgot to post it.  Enjoy the belated fruits of my labor!:

On the twelfth day of Christmas the state disclosed to me;

Twelve cups of coffee;

Eleven new indictments

Ten continued hearings;

Nine filed motions;

Eight electric candles;

Seven cows a-pooping;

Six months in jail;

Five plea bargains;

Four COVID spikes;

Three dashcam vids;

Two booster shots;

And a trial by a jury.