Note: this was originally posted to Ben Around the Block on May 27, 2014. I have made some minor edits; most notably, I've redacted all real names, as I am currently unable to get permission to mention anyone by name.
Hi, everyone! After a long weekend, it’s good to be back!
After three days of relaxing, sleeping, napping, resting, and snoozing (Noticing a pattern here?), I was all refreshed and ready to get back to work…only to find myself in jail!
…Yep, this is jail. To be exact, it’s the annex of the Marion County Jail, which contains a fully functional courthouse meant for arraignments. Most importantly, it’s where I spent this morning!
For the less legal-minded, arraignments are a simple legal proceeding in which a defendant, detained or otherwise, comes into court, has the charges against them formally explained to them, enters a plea, and files a form to have an attorney appointed to their case if they don’t already have one. Got all that? Congratulations, you know more about arraignments than two of the defendants who were in court today hoping to debunk their charges then and there (I’ll elaborate on their sins, along with other cases of general dumb@$$ery I’ve seen, in a later post)!
Tagging along with M [actual name redacted], one of the legal assistants at the office, I rode along to the county jail and settled in one of the courtrooms that was specifically reserved for arraignments. With its stone walls and somewhat dull lighting, the courtroom almost had the feeling of a medieval dungeon (The fact that there was a door in the back that led directly to the jail’s cellblock did not detract from this feeling). The gallery was filled with people, and the arraignments were already in process. I quickly got a seat in the gallery next to a beautiful young woman. She greeted me kindly, waved, and smiled (dare I say it) in an almost flirtatious manner. I relaxed and returned the greeting, wave, and smile. Between the light flirting and the awesome jurisprudence action up ahead, I figured this was going to be a good day.
As luck would have it, she was the next person scheduled to be arraigned and pled guilty to third-degree theft five minutes after flirting with me. And that is the story of how I flirted with a thief, something that apparently doesn’t just happen in movies.
The rest of the arraignments went smoothly and quickly (outside of the aforementioned dumb@$$ery). For each case, the presiding judge confirmed the defendant’s name and date of birth, confirmed the defendant’s choice of an attorney, then gave them a form that explained their charges and rights, which they filled out in the gallery. In a few cases, defendants that had been approached by the DA’s office with plea bargain deals pled guilty, admitting their guilt before the stern-yet-compassionate judge. One of the more notable cases was a young man who pled guilty to two theft charges. Specifically, he had stolen clothes from Sears on two separate days. The judge let him off with a fine, a warning, and encouragement to get a job, telling him explicitly, “You’re not a very good thief, are you?” That mild embarrassment from having his crime skills being dissed by a judge probably went well with the embarrassment of admitting to shoplifting (He was also 18, which made me feel really old.). Overall, arraignment justice is nasty, brutish, and short.
As the arraign train chugged on (we have a title!), the gallery slowly emptied. Turns out just about everyone in the gallery was a defendant waiting his/her turn to be arraigned. After an hour or so, the gallery was completely empty, save me and M, who was finishing up some paperwork. As I stood up and prepared to leave, the judge noticed me and asked me what I was here for. When I was at a loss for words to explain, he asked if I was on the docket to be arraigned. Maybe it was just my overactive imagination, but I could have sworn that the bailiff started towards me. Here I was, about to be arraigned for a crime I knew nothing about! What was I supposed to say? What was I supposed to plead?! WHO WOULD BE MY LAWYER?!?! Fortunately, I was saved from misplaced prosecution by M, who explained that I was a student who was with her. The judge approved of my presence and studies and wished me well. As such, I was one of the few gallery members who left without being arraigned on any charges!
After that series of adventures, I accompanied M back to work and resumed my usual duties. Because the vacationing receptionist was no longer vacationing, I now have much fewer responsibilities at work. Although I was recruited to help process some of the incoming mail, my primary duties are now sending out outgoing mail and scanning closed case files so that they can be archived. I gave it my all today (as I usually do, to be honest) and left work at the end of the day tired, yet satisfied. Between the arraignments, the flirting and the evaded indictment, I had one heck of a field trip today! My supervisor hinted that I might be able to attend more arraignments in the future. Assuming I’m not the one being charged, I’ll be sure to enjoy such future excursions!
Reflections:
Eleven years later, arraignment justice is still nasty, brutish, and short (though I never experience flirting or near-arrests anymore). Things are also done differently in Tillamook County, as people don't enter a plea (or enter a plea bargain) until case management about a month later (I have had to explain this to a lot of people expecting Marion County-style arraignments). Arraignments are also done at the circuit court, not the jail. People detained in jail used to be brought over in person for arraignments at the end of the day, but they now appear by video in this post-Covid world. Given that I'll be returning to Marion County in a few months, I anticipate seeing what eleven years of change looks like on this front.
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